Two opposing discourses circulate, and both are wrong. One makes divorce a shame to be avoided at all costs. The other makes it an ordinary option, available at the first disagreement.
Sheikh Muhammad Said Raslan describes a third position, which is that of the Legislation.
The order of things
He begins with the stage where repair is still possible. When the bonds slacken between two hearts, serenity, affection and mercy depart, and that is why one strives to draw closer, to reconcile and to piece things back together.
The effort of reconciliation therefore comes first, and it is not optional.
The moment that changes it
The sheikh then describes the situation where repair is no longer possible: when the bonds break, when the nature of one of the spouses goes awry, when instincts overcome virtues, and every attempt at reconciliation has failed.
His conclusion is framed from Allah's side, and that is what makes it right: Allah is too merciful to impose on His servants the endurance of that kind of inner torment, to force the union of two hearts that do not agree, of two souls that reject and do not recognise one another. That is why He legislated divorce for them.
Divorce is therefore not a flaw in the system. It is a provided outcome, and it is presented as a mercy.
What this does not permit
The condition rests in one clause: every attempt at reconciliation has failed.
That is precisely what Sheikh Abd ar-Razzaq al-Badr denounces elsewhere, observing that many rush toward rupture over the most trivial motives, a matter of cooking, laundry or tidying, and that he sees in it weakness and a lack of gentleness. We cover that passage in treating your wife well.
Sheikh Raslan himself describes the mechanism of escalation: third parties who amplify the matter, slanderers who fan the conflict, and Shaytan who then makes divorce look attractive to the husband. We cover it in disputes in the Muslim couple.
Two cases not to confuse
A divorce pronounced after a genuine effort at reconciliation, between two people who do not agree, is a door the Legislation has opened.
A divorce pronounced out of stubbornness, in anger, or over a domestic annoyance, is what these same scholars call haste and weakness.
A note for those starting again
A divorced person is not a diminished person, and the prejudice that sometimes accompanies them in our communities has no basis. On Nikah, profiles of divorced brothers and sisters are treated exactly like the others, with the same moderation and the same standards.